today is your birthday. i want to acknowledge it, let you know that i remember, which of course i do, but the thought of wishing you anything with ‘happy’ in it makes me feel sick and my eyes water. i don’t want to feel like this, so adverse to your happiness. i’ve spent all day trying to fight biology, trying to find the words to wish you something, something good. but the words don’t come and time keeps going and soon it won’t be your birthday anymore. what then?